“There are only three more, so act fast.”

“If you want to be one of the in crowd, …”

“If you want to be a team player, …”

We have all heard statements like these.  They induce a sense of fear or guilt, leaving us afraid we won’t fit in or we somehow be good enough if we don’t do what they want us to do.  They play on our potential insecurities. Sales people use fear to encourage us to buy now – from them.  The stereotypical plastic surgeon uses fear to sow doubt in our mind so we will want more surgery.  Others use guilt to make us conform.  And as the political season heats up, we see politicians using fear and guilt as their mainstays – it would be un-American, it would be reckless, it would change our way of life, or ….

Far too often it works.  We let the emotional doubt jump into our mind before we think things through. We play right into their hands.  Emotional responses cloud our thinking and we lose sight of our own goals and interests.  We lose our capacity to maintain control of our choices and life.

These tactics can be dangerous.  Fear and guilt are negative feelings; they bring us down and we don’t like feeling that way.  If we use these tactics too often, we become associated with the negative and people are more likely to want to avoid us.  If we come on too strong, we risk pushing people too far into the fear, leaving them unable to make a decision.  Plus, these tactics are now so prevalent that people are getting tired of all the emotional drama; the strategy may be losing some of its impact.

When targeted with these tactics, we are best served by stopping, taking a deep breath and evaluating the statement.  Is it true?  Would it really be a bad thing if it happened?  Much of the time we recognize the emotional ploy and can then make an informed decision based on what we think is in our best interest, not what the other party wants us to do.  We can maintain control of our lives.

When we are tempted to use these tactics, we are best served by taking a moment to think about the potential consequences.  Will they be likely to have buyer’s remorse when the emotions fade?  Will the person jump in whole-heartedly and support this, or adopt a lackadaisical “I don’t really care” attitude?  Are we overloading people with the negative and so pushing them away?  Will they want to do more business with me in the future?

Emotions are tricky and unpredictable.  If you choose to use these tactics, be prepared for different possible outcomes.

Remember … it’s all in how you say it!